The day I realized that the skin from my thighs dropped to my knees, I also discovered that I had cellulite. Zipping up my jean shorts, I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror. The cellulite wasn’t nearly as severe as it would become. I imagined other limbs and areas of my body that would droop, wrinkle and the vicious cellulite that would spread and migrate to the southern region of my wilting physique.
My husband was just outside our slider. I walked out to the patio, turned around and asked him if he could see cellulite. He examined my legs, looked up and said, “A little bit.” Boy, I loved him even more at that moment. The courage and candor he displayed when answering my “loaded” question was kinda sexy. As I went back through the slider feeling a little more comfortable, I unzipped my five-inch length jean shorts and changed into a seven-inch inseam pair.
Jack and I headed out for our daily walk around the neighborhood. When I bent down to bag Jack’s poop, a thought popped into my head. How nice it was to know that my husband’s confirmation of my newly discovered cellulite was genuine. My next thought was that I would never ask him the “Does my butt look fat?”question again. The cellulite honesty was sufficient. No need to push it. In the future, I’d get my answers in the mirror.
In the next life, men should have cellulite. It might inspire a tad more empathy and emotional intelligence. Close your eyes and imagine a guy looking into the mirror and discovering colonies of dimples on his derriere and legs. He would freak out a little. The man would feel exactly like women do. Perhaps they could also deal with the experience of menopause and hot flashes. That’s it.
They wouldn’t have the privilege of bearing children. Our strong men wouldn’t be expected to shave their under arms and legs. They would not be subjected to pouring themselves into Spanx or thinking about their hair, nails, and makeup. Brazilian waxing, wearing six-inch heels, buying lingerie that only looks comfortable in a catalog of thin and tall models, would not be an expectation of women. In the next life, men will have their vanity shaken by the appearance of vicious cellulite.
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